Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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