I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
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