video games are the ultimate cock blocker
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I want a musical about memes.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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