Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
