I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
