I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
