She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
operation have a gay friend backfired
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
