Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
