I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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