we have officially lost it.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
