Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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