There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
