I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
True college students do jello shots in the library
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
