I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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