I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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