But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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