apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I look better un-naked...
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Randomize
