I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Randomize
