Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
