sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
