she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
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