the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
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He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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