Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
