Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
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