I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
She's the barista slut.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
