as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
