I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
