When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
