when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
She bit a glass in half.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
