i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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