So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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