She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
