It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Randomize
