You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
