He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
