she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
