Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
