Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
