i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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