i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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