my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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