I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
