Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
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the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
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So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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