you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Randomize
