omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I cut my penus on the lid.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
