U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
