I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
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even the AIR tastes like tequila.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
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The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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