your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
