ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
