New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
