Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
