***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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