Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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