I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.