I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...