my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy