Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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