Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
