I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
