remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I party with great urgency now.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
