ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
