i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
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I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
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Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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