Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
