I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I have aggressive nipples.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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