dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
