I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
