I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
