My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
