the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
