Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
