dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
My liver just had a heart attack.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You have to summon your inner elephant
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
