He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
