Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
