You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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