You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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