Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
