I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
